Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
