he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
