I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
