you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
