So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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