I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
