That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
