I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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