I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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