what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
