the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
