We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize