Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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