I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
