Your mouth is God's brothel.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
