Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
