when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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