If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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