I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
