Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
