I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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