YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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