everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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