mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
