Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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