its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
