he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
