She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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