It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize