yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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