You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
