THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
