Define "chronic" masturbator.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's not a walk of shame if you run
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
