...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He did a backflip because drugs
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