Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
