Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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