Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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