I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
