she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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