Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize