***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
