i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
