he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
