Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
