I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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