I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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