Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize