yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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