i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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