then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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