Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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