She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
