i permit you to call me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
