we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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