haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
