you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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