When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
