I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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