So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
