Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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