nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
