Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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