I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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