I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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