You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
