so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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